Aftermath
by emeraldblood9
Summary: After Arthur's death, Guinevere and Merlin try to accept the inevitable... the finality of death. As Gwen takes more control on the throne of Camelot, Merlin proves to be a support to her. But through sharing heartache, some stronger feelings begin developing between the Queen and the sorcerer.


**Aftermath**

A month had passed since Gwen had received the tragic news. Arthur was dead. Her love, her heart. The first few weeks she had cried, it was impossible to accept the truth, it couldn't be happening. Her tears fell easily and often. She felt an emptiness so deep she thought she might drown in it.

More recently though, she had simply felt numb. Gwen was the Queen of Camelot, its sole ruler now, and her duties kept her busy. Far too busy to allow herself to keep remembering him. She suppressed her emotions, aware that they would come out eventually, but she knew that if she did not make the effort to move on, she would fall apart.

She walked around the halls of the castle with a perpetually sad face, not taking notice of anyone or anything. Of course, she did what she must for the Kingdom that now depended upon her. She relied on Sir Leon and other members of the council to advise her on matters of state. It was a very difficult time.

Gaius was the one who saw to her emotional needs. He frequently checked in on her, ensuring she received a sleeping draught to make the nights more bearable, because… the nights were the hardest. In the darkness of her room, she would lie in the bed she so recently shared with the love of her life… and she would think of him. The pain gripped her so tightly and she cried more tears than she believed a person could.

Gwen knew the pain would ease to some extent with time. She had lost her mother when she was young, her father many years ago now, and more recently, her brother Elyan. The agony in her heart would never disappear entirely but at best, right now, she longed to reach the stage where she could breathe without feeling that powerful ache inside.

Gwen felt relief, at least, that Arthur had Merlin at his side when he passed. Trustworthy, honest, friendly Merlin. She realised actually, that she had, in fact, been avoiding her trusted friend. She missed him. They had spent only a little time together when Merlin first returned with the horrible news, but then each of them had separated to grieve in their own way.

Seeing Merlin reminded Gwen of Arthur. It forced her to remember the way Arthur always lit up when his servant was around. She couldn't imagine the grief Merlin would be feeling and she suddenly felt guilty for not being closer to him right now. She dreaded to see the pain in his eyes, but she also missed him and needed him.

There was also the other matter. Gaius had confirmed to her that Merlin had magic. She hadn't given it much thought what with everything else going on, but she was so excited about it and now wanted to share her excitement with him.

Gwen decided today was the day she would seek Merlin out. He had not been working as a servant since Arthur's death, remaining instead with Gaius, working as a physician. Gwen was grateful that Merlin had the older man to help him through this awful time. She was nervous about seeing him, he was a sorcerer… in some ways she felt that when she saw him, he would not be the same man who had been her friend for over ten years now. Gaius had not informed Merlin that Gwen knew of his magic. She had asked the court physician to leave that to her.

A month after Arthur's death, she decided the time had come. She woke that morning feeling a little better in anticipation of spending time with Merlin. As she made her way to Gaius and Merlin's rooms she held her head up a little more than usual and made the effort to give the passing guards a small smile. They looked surprised and happily returned her smile, nodding their heads in greeting.

She knocked softly and heard the kind voice of Gaius call for her to go in. She stepped inside and saw both men working together at the table. She focused her eyes on Merlin, feeling so warm inside when his face beamed with a beautiful, sweet smile.

"Gwen!" Gaius exclaimed happily. "To what do we owe this honour?"

"How are you, Gaius?" Gwen started, but before waiting for an answer her next words tumbled out of her mouth. "I was wondering if I could borrow Merlin. I have no important matters of state to attend to today and so have given myself a leisure day. I would very much like to spend some time with him, perhaps we could go for a walk." She only glanced at Merlin while talking, unsure why she addressed Gaius and not the young man at his side.

Gaius looked to his assistant, raising an eyebrow. "Merlin?"

"I would really like that," Merlin responded, looking overjoyed. He then glanced down at the medicines and books in front of them both on the table and added, "Is that okay, Gaius?"

"Of course, of course. You two go on," Gaius urged giving Gwen a knowing look and a warm, encouraging smile. She nodded slightly at him, taking a deep breath as she left him to continue his work.

At first, both friends were lost for words. They talked about the weather, how Gaius was doing these days, the delicious taste of Cooks new pastries, and then they discussed the weather again. They also had several minutes of awkward silence between them. Never had they been this way before. Gwen was afraid that things were going to be strange like this from now on, but fortunately her fears were unwarranted.

After they had walked a fair way from the city and into the woods, Merlin took Gwen's arm in his and said with conviction, "It is _so_ good to see you, Gwen." She was grateful he was using her name, treating her as a friend. She was growing tired of being called 'My Lady' and 'Your Highness.'

"How are you keeping?" she asked trying to open up a deeper conversation than how beautifully sunny it was today.

"I don't know," Merlin smiled hopelessly with a hint of a laugh. "You?"

She chuckled back, also not knowing how she felt these days. "The nights are the hardest," she admitted.

"Mmm," Merlin replied nodding, looking at her with understanding. They walked on in a comfortable silence now. Both Queen and sorcerer didn't feel the need to discuss why they had been avoiding each other, it was understood that the circumstances had been too painful to face. When they came to a fallen tree near a lake, Gwen walked over and sat down on it, testing it would hold her weight first and then relaxing on to it.

"Merlin, come, sit," she patted the space beside her. She felt the tree dip further when Merlin sat, but it was strong enough to support them both. She stared at him for a moment, an expression of genuine concern on her face. This young man was Arthur's close friend and manservant. She rarely saw him without a smile. Right now he looked miserable.

"Every day is so utterly different for me now than it was a short time ago," he began, opening up to her. "For ten years, I spent almost _every_ day of my life with Arthur. It's hard to accept he's gone. How can he just be… gone?" Gwen stayed silent. She could see Merlin had to let this out. "_Everything _reminds me of him, Gwen. Absolutely everything. Even you." He looked at her and she could see the turmoil behind his eyes. "I still can't believe it. Every day, I say to myself, 'I can't believe it!' I'm waiting for my mind to really absorb it all. It's so painful... It's unbearable! I really miss him." His voice cracked but he carried on speaking, he sounded so raw. "I just want to see him again. I want to hear his voice... hear him call me an idiot or lazy." Merlin paused remembering his friend, a smile on his face, completely lost in his memories.

Hearing Merlin share these deep, sad emotions was helping Gwen to address her own. She actually felt better being able to listen to Merlin and share in his grief. Neither spoke for a minute or so and then Merlin blurted out, "He was so amazing! He was…" his words trailed off as he looked at Gwen as if just realising she was still sitting there. "You must be hurting, Gwen."

She wiped a tear from her eye. "You know," she explained to Merlin. "He saw you as his very best friend in the world. He talked about you constantly. You meant more to him than anyone else." Gwen was okay with that truth. She knew her place with Arthur and she knew Merlin's. Arthur loved her eternally, she was his heart… but Merlin was his soul.

Merlin smiled at Gwen gratefully. "I know," he whispered.

Their walls had been taken down now, the ice was broken and the pair unleashed their deepest feelings, reminiscing about the King they both loved. They cried but also laughed as they shared their memories of him. They supported each other through the worst of the pain and Gwen felt herself beginning to heal inside. She felt the darkness lifting just a little as Merlin helped the light creep in. She knew it would be a long time yet before she could get through even a small amount of time without feeling the gripping pain in her heart, but having Merlin there, she felt hope returning inside of her.

As well as discussing Arthur, they discussed other things. Gwaine. The loss of him was also hard to take and they missed him terribly. His easy laugh and devilish grin were gone forever, only living on in their memories. And they also spoke of Morgana. Although she had turned to evil a long time ago, both Gwen and Merlin had been hoping she would one day be the woman they had called 'friend'. Losing her now was the death of that dream. They remembered the good times with Morgana and wondered together what could have turned her so bitter, so far from her true self, her warm heart.

Gwen only realised how long they had been sitting and talking when her stomach rumbled. They had missed lunch. "Goodness, Merlin, do you realise how long we have been talking?" Gwen questioned.

"About four hours," Merlin guessed. They laughed. The young man rummaged in his bag and brought out some apples and grapes. "Here," he said, handing the fruit to her. "I know it's not much." He was always prepared.

"It's fine," Gwen smiled. "I'm afraid I don't have a good appetite at all these past days. I've been eating very little." Merlin looked concerned but simply nodded and munched on his apple. Gwen watched him for a moment, aware that she hadn't discussed his magic with him yet. She could not believe that this simple man at her side could wield so much power. He was so _normal_. It was very hard for her to imagine him performing magic. She ate a few grapes, trying to decide how to raise the topic.

Merlin caught her eye, noticing her staring at him with a look of concentration on her face. "What's wrong, Gwen?"

She took a shaky breath and started. "I know about your gift."

Merlin looked confused. "I haven't got your gift yet."

Gwen laughed. Her birthday was just over a week away and Merlin was referring to that. "No, Merlin," she paused, feeling nervous. "Your gift," she explained in an unsteady tone. "Your magic."

Now it was Merlin's turn to act nervous. His jaw clenched and he looked like he was about to deny it. Gwen went to grab his hand but when she noticed he was holding his apple, she placed her hand on his knee. "It's okay," she assured him. "Gaius told me before I found out about Arthur's death. I have known for a while. I'm so excited to talk to you about it. I cannot believe it!"

Merlin looked relieved and grateful. He looked around as if to check nobody was in earshot. They laughed together at the silliness of the situation as there was no one around for miles. He turned to her, bringing his face in close. "Gwen…. I'm a sorcerer," he whispered conspiratorially. They both laughed hard. It felt so good, Gwen could hardly believe it. In a strange way, it felt wrong, Arthur was dead and she was feeling much too happy at this moment. Merlin seemed to need to laugh as well. She saw the tension melting away in his face and his eyes shone brightly.

"I cannot believe you're a sorcerer!" Gwen exclaimed.

"Well, I'm a very powerful sorcerer, _actually,_" Merlin smiled. She giggled. His grin was so wide, she figured it must be hurting his face. "You're really excited, Gwen?" he asked her, more serious now.

"Of course I am," she responded honestly. Her excitement was bubbling over and she couldn't wait to see him using his sorcery. "Can you do something… magical for me?" she asked holding her breath in anticipation.

He laughed softly. "Um…." He put his hands together and opened them to reveal a rose blooming right in front of her. He handed her the rose. "My lady," he said self-consciously, waiting for her to comment. She was shocked. Not about the rose, about seeing Merlin this way, this _open_. She could now put her finger on why he had always seemed a little closed off.

"Can you do something bigger?" she asked, smiling mischievously. Merlin laughed loudly and playfully pinched her side causing her to gasp and laugh. He looked toward the nearby lake and his eyes flashed gold. The water rose and twirled around before falling back to the lake as raindrops. He looked back at her for approval and she could not hide her awe. She stared at him open mouthed not quite sure how to feel but aware that she was looking at him in a new way.

He laughed and popped a grape into her open mouth. Gwen laughed again too. "I'm ….I don't know what to say." She was lost for words. "You really _are _a sorcerer." It was only sinking in now. "I'm very impressed, Merlin."

"Ah… thank you, Guinevere," Merlin nodded his head toward her in thanks. She could see how light his mood had become. What a burden it must have been to hide his true self all these years. They grinned at each other.

"Your eyes actually turned gold," she said disbelievingly looking closely into his eyes.

He grinned at her and lightly stroked her face with the back of his fingers. "Thank you for being this way."

She shook her head breaking herself out of the shock of seeing her old friend with this power. She was sure she had only seen a small part of it too. He had said he was very powerful. She couldn't wait to explore it more but then her mind drifted to her late husband. "If Arthur had of known…." she started.

"He did."

"What?"

"I told him… before he died. He was shocked at first, but then…. let's just say…. he wanted me to be who I am and not have to pretend anymore. His last words to me were, 'thank you.'" Merlin's eyes were watery. "He accepted me, Gwen."

Gwen nodded. She was so pleased Arthur knew, so pleased Merlin got to feel Arthur's acceptance. She knew at once what Arthur would have done now. "I want to lift the ban on magic, Merlin. As Queen, I am in the position to do it."

Merlin looked shocked. "Really?"

"Yes. As well as it being the right thing to do, I also believe strongly, that Arthur's acceptance of you having magic would have meant that he too would have lifted the ban."

"I think you may be right," Merlin agreed, scrunching up his face and smiling in his childlike way.

"Alright, Merlin, but it's going to take some considerable time. This is _huge_. I don't feel this is something I can tackle just yet. I'm only just getting used to running the Kingdom without Arthur at my side. Give it a year or so."

"I completely understand and I'm grateful to you. It means a lot," Merlin replied quietly.

"More importantly," Gwen smiled excitedly, "Tell me more about your magic."

Merlin had much to say on the subject. She was shocked to learn how often the warlock had used his magic to save Arthur and to save Camelot. It must have been an enormous responsibility and often a terrible burden to carry. He had used magic to save Gwen's father and to save Gwen herself on more than a few occasions. She was touched.

She thought she knew everything about this young man before her, but it turned out, she knew next to nothing. Her heart beat with excitement. To see Merlin so happy also brought tears to her eyes. The two didn't head back to Camelot until the sun was setting low in the sky. She felt so much promise walking back into…._her _Kingdom. There was now something fulfilling to look forward to.

As she climbed into bed that night, she didn't feel quite as much pain gripping her chest. She still cried, but there were tears of relief mixed with the tears of grief. She didn't take the sleeping draught. She fell into an easy sleep with the image of both Arthur and Merlin's faces in her mind.

xxxxx

Time flew by as Gwen delved more into the running of the Kingdom. Things that Arthur used to do, she now felt resting on her shoulders. There was so much to learn. Sir Leon reassured her constantly that she was doing a good job, she doubted herself all the time.

Merlin insisted that he remain a servant, although it was in a different capacity than he was for Arthur. He served at meetings so that he could stay in touch with the Kingdom's business and he went on patrols and quests with the knights so that he could still use his magic (covertly) to save the lives of Camelot's best. The rest of the time his efforts went into learning more and more from Gaius as a physician. He was receiving plenty of positive feedback from his patients. Gwen was aware how skilled he had become and she beamed with pride to think about the young boy she met so many years ago making the incredible journey he had made.

Merlin also worked in private, as somewhat of an advisor to Gwen. Whenever a tough decision was to be made for Camelot, she discussed it over with him, getting his opinion and often taking his advice. She knew it had been this way for Arthur and Merlin the last year or so before Arthur died.

Gwen informed the council that she was thinking about changing the laws in regards to magic but did not explain further or give detail. She refused to allow anyone to be executed for the simple fact that they had sorcery. Only if a crime had been committed, did she make those harsh calls. A murderer was a murderer, whether they used magic as their weapon, or a sword.

She often found it hard to condemn people to their deaths but knew it was her job to uphold the laws. She understood Arthur more than she ever thought she would, and even more than that, she gained a greater appreciation for many of the decisions Uther had made. It wasn't easy at all bearing the responsibility of a Kingdom.

Her times with Merlin were the best. She could drop the 'Queen role' with him, a role she hadn't even realised she'd assumed when she began to rule at Arthur's side. She was always trying so hard to project confidence since she was crowned, perhaps she even went overboard trying _too_ hard. With Merlin, she was just Gwen, the girl who fooled around and didn't have to prove anything.

Merlin was incredible. He arrived every morning with breakfast for her and made her day begin with a smile. And every night he would come to her chambers and sit on her bed with her, discussing the events of their days. They would always laugh and joke together. She would vent about some rude, foreign dignitaries and he would listen and make her laugh by calling them names. Many a time, she would have Merlin in fits of laughter doing impressions of some of his crazy, old patients. Sometimes they stayed awake to the early hours of the morning, laughter ringing out from her chambers.

She missed him terribly when he was on patrols and realised she had come to rely upon him a great deal. He would ensure that her fire was burning and she was warm, and whenever he left her room for the night, he would do a kiss into the air and say 'night.' He truly was the best friend she could ever have. She could not have made it through this challenging time without him.

Before Gwen knew it though, it was the one year anniversary of Arthur's death. There was a feast in his honour. People raised their goblets to him and speeches were made. Leon did a fantastic job, speaking of Arthur's bravery, his courage, his fairness, his ability to rise back up after defeat and his humour.

Gwen did a short and shaky speech, mostly just thanking everyone for being there. It was too hard to talk about what she missed. She wasn't going to talk about those beautiful blue, smiling eyes, his strong arms that enveloped her, his deep laugh, his soft voice and his gentle expression of love when they were alone together. She struggled through the evening, relieved when at last she stood with Merlin in her room.

"You did well tonight, Gwen," Merlin said rubbing a hand down her arm.

"As did you," she responded. Merlin must have been feeling the way she did. Missing Arthur more than normal, being forced to think about him as they listened to endless stories about him all evening. They had discussed Arthur a lot this past year. The first nine months were hardest. After that, Gwen found that she thought of Arthur much less, and when she did think of him, it wasn't painful, just pleasant to remember him.

Tonight though, she felt differently. She actually felt afraid. All her feelings had been stirred up. The world felt scary and it left her feeling unsure and insecure. She changed into her nightgown, as usual, behind her privacy screen, whilst Merlin turned down her bed and got the fire going. He did these things as a friend, not as a servant. Afterwards, they sat on the bed together and talked. It wasn't like normal, they were obviously more upset and Merlin didn't sit as long as usual.

She watched Merlin stand and prepare to leave. "You going to be okay?" he checked with her before opening the door to leave. She nodded, though she didn't feel okay. He pulled the door open, looked back and kissed the air saying, "Night."

Instead of replying with a smile and her usual 'Night, Merlin,' she panicked and called, "Merlin, wait!"

He shut the door quietly and walked over to her, standing beside the bed. "Please, stay with me tonight," she heard herself say. Merlin froze, staring at her. She realised how it sounded and quickly clarified it. "I don't mean…." Suddenly she was like a young girl again, tripping over her words the way she did when she first met Merlin. She smiled awkwardly. "I mean… just sleep with me…" Merlin raised his eyebrows. "No!" she cried loudly. "What I mean is…. just… um.._ .sleep_ in the bed _with _me. Not… you know…" She cringed feeling ridiculous and embarrassed.

Merlin laughed, sitting next to her on the bed. "You're not making any sense." Gwen had her head down and Merlin leaned down looking up at her from underneath with a cheeky smile.

"I don't feel like I can be alone tonight," she smiled at him. "I was only hoping that you might keep me company and sleep next to me in the bed tonight."

"That would be very nice," Merlin said chuckling under his breath.

"Be quiet!" Gwen laughed, pushing his shoulder. They smiled at each other for a moment, and then Merlin stood up removing his boots and jacket. Gwen climbed under her covers as Merlin walked around to the other side of the bed. He took his neckerchief and belt off and climbed underneath the covers too. He waved his hand and she saw his eyes flash gold and then the candles were out. She still got excited whenever she saw him use magic.

Gwen could see Merlin's face in the light of the fire. He looked over and smiled at her.

"Thank you," she told him.

He nodded and kissed the air, "Night."

"Night, Merlin."

A few seconds passed and then unexpectedly, Merlin reached over and encircled Gwen in his arms, holding her and pulling her head to his chest. She held on to him, feeling immensely safe and secure. She looked up at him and their eyes met briefly before she lay back on his chest and closed them.

"Hold on as tight as you need to," Merlin whispered. She tightened her grip. His embrace was comforting and she soon fell asleep to the peaceful sound of his quiet breathing and the gentle feeling of his chest rising and falling against her face.

"Gwen! Gwen!" Merlin was saying, sitting up in bed and shaking her gently.

She sat up too. It was clearly still the middle of the night. The candles were alight and Merlin looked so excited. "What is it, Merlin?"

"I had a dream about Arthur. Well, it wasn't really a dream. It was like he reached out to me through my magic. I could feel it with all my powers, Gwen." He was so excited and Gwen allowed herself to feel some of his excitement. Merlin continued, "He was smiling. He was_ really_ smiling. He teased me, he called me idiot, he punched my shoulder. We talked… it was incredible." The words were tumbling out of Merlin's mouth and Gwen clung on to them, needing to hear this, her heart pounding in her chest. She could almost feel Arthur's presence in the room right now.

Merlin continued, "He said how proud he was of you and the job you're doing on the throne. He said how glad he was that we had each other." He took her hands, tears were falling down his cheeks. She half laughed, half cried, listening to Merlin talking with so much joy in his voice. He spoke slower now, looking into Gwen's eyes. "He said he loved you very much, said he always would." Gwen couldn't help herself now, she openly cried throwing her arms around Merlin. He held her, crying too. "He said 'It's all okay. It's always going to be okay.' He was so peaceful, so happy."

Gwen knew Merlin didn't tell her everything. There was something he was keeping for himself, something only Arthur and him shared. She smiled to see Merlin this elated. "I always felt like I failed him, Gwen, but it wasn't like that at all. Arthur didn't see it like that for a minute."

They went back over it all, Merlin describing all the details to Gwen, the way Arthur's voice sounded when he said certain things. The way he raised an eyebrow here or there, the way he laughed. All the words Arthur had spoken. Afterwards, they lay back down realising it had gotten cold again. Merlin used his magic to bring the fire back and extinguish the candles. They lay next to each other smiling in the firelight.

"Thank you, Merlin." She was so grateful that his magic and his bond with Arthur could bring them the closure they had been seeking. "One year ago…" she said incredulously.

"I know," he shook his head in disbelief. She reached out to him, placing herself back in his arms, the way she had fallen asleep earlier that night. He laughed softly and instead of kissing the air, he kissed her head, stroking her hair, "Night," he said in a low voice.

"Night, Merlin." Peaceful slumber took them.

xxxxx

A week later, Gwen called a meeting with the council to discuss a new idea she had. She was feeling more motivated after Arthur's 'visit' and wanted to get more involved in certain areas she currently had no involvement in. During the meeting, she had suggested she be trained to fight as the knights were. Leon caught her eye across the table and smiled, a look of admiration and respect on his face. He spoke up saying, "I would be honoured to train you, My Lady."

But of course, there was also opposition to this from the others and Gwen fought her point with determination and poise. She argued that every ruler of Camelot had fought for their Kingdom and she should be no different. She didn't want to be in the action as much as Arthur had been, but if the city walls were breeched, she wanted to be able to hold her own. She won over the opinions of the others and as they left the room, she smiled to herself.

Merlin was standing behind her the whole time and she could not gauge his reaction. Once everyone had left, he came and sat down next to Gwen at the table chuckling. "Queen Guinevere," he shook his head.

"Should I not learn to defend my Kingdom?" she asked sharply.

"Yes, of course," he laughed holding up his hands in surrender. "You're an incredible Queen," he added sincerely.

She put a mock expression of smugness on her face and looked over at him. They stayed serious for a moment before she gave him a quick wink, causing them to fall into easy laughter together.

Gwen watched Merlin for a moment. It was so odd how far they had both come from when they met. She was a young servant girl then, now a Queen. Merlin was also just a boy back then. He had changed so much after all these years and yet he was still the same. He was most definitely a _man_ now. Quite out of nowhere, while looking over at him, she suddenly felt an unusual surge of attraction for him. "You've come a long way, Merlin," she commented tilting her head to the side.

He looked over at her thoughtfully. "Likewise_, Your Majesty_." They chuckled, her title spoke for itself.

"It's amazing to think you're the same boy who I had such a big crush on once." It was out of her mouth before she could help it.

Merlin's expression was hard to read. "When did you have _such_ a big crush on me?" he asked interested.

"You knew, didn't you? When we first met," she explained, her voice tight.

"No, I definitely didn't know!"

"Oh well, that's you, Merlin. Adoringly oblivious sometimes." _God! _Why did she say that?

Merlin laughed but she saw him shift in his chair uncomfortably. Why was this happening to her? This was her _friend_, this was _Merlin_. Why was she feeling like _this_? She felt so flustered. "Anyway…. um… doesn't matter now," she smiled at him.

He just looked at her, a small smile on his lips, like he was trying to read her. He exhaled a breath, a hint of laughter there. "I _really_ wish I knew that at the time, Gwen," he said in a deep voice she hardly recognised.

"Why?" she asked feeling dumb.

"Because, I would have gone for it," he laughed.

"Oh... that's... great," she heard herself say. She cringed at herself. She had to get out of here. She had to work out what was suddenly happening. "I forgot, I told... Percival...I'd... talk to him... about... something. Excuse me, Merlin." She got up and walked out of the room leaving Merlin's amused face behind and most of her dignity.

What was _that_? She thought slamming the door to her chambers. Her heart was beating fast. She couldn't have feelings for him beyond friendship. Until that horrific moment, she hadn't even thought of him in _that_ way. Not since many years ago. _Now_ she was. She kept replaying his deep voice in her head. "_I would have gone for it._" What did he mean? He had feelings for Morgana back then. Not her. He knew about her feelings then, didn't he? Perhaps not.

She knew she loved Merlin, but that was only friendship. This new attraction feeling would surely pass. Of course it would. She calmed down and decided to pretend that it had never happened.

When Merlin came to her chambers that night as he always did, she was relieved to see that he was acting completely normal. Thankfully, she was able to act in her usual way too. She was sitting opposite him on the bed talking about the chainmail that was being made specifically for her when she saw his expression turn mischievous. "What is it?" She was almost afraid to ask him.

"I was just wondering how it went talking to Percival about _something _today," he looked at her teasingly.

'Merlin, shut up please. That was embarrassing for me, okay?"

"Okay," he laughed. The way he looked at her made her feel unsteady. He was watching her slowly, a look in his eyes she had never seen on him before. "So, what was all that about?"

"I just thought you knew I used to like you... and when I found out you didn't, but I'd told you, I got embarrassed." She hoped that made more sense to him than it did to her. He was looking at her, eyes drifting down to her lips. She held her breath.

He frowned slightly. "Really?"

"Yes, please let it go… please!"

"As you wish, My Queen." He climbed off the bed and headed for the door. He turned and instead of simply kissing the air, this time he blew her a kiss, smiling nervously. "Night," he grinned.

"Night, Merlin," she blushed. And he was gone. And she knew this feeling wasn't going to go away.

She lay down and could think of nothing else but the way he made her feel. It felt so good, she couldn't stop smiling. She lay awake for ages, replaying the events of the day with this incredible man. She finally fell asleep, her last thoughts were of him.

xxxxx

The dynamic had definitely changed between the two of them. Whenever they were in a room together, there were more looks, more smiles, and Merlin seemed to find reasons to be around her more. Gwen was enjoying how it all made her feel but she was unsure of exactly what was happening. Merlin was her best friend and she hoped that they wouldn't lose their incredible friendship. However, she couldn't help exploring where this was taking them, she was swept up in it all. Her heart beat faster when he was around and she looked forward to his attention.

Her normal duties as Queen still took over most of her time. During a meeting with the council she was in the middle of a disagreement with a pompous so and so. He and Gwen always disagreed and it seemed he went out of his way to make things more difficult for her. Things were getting heated and very tense between them as they argued over taxation when all of a sudden there was a loud crack as his chair broke beneath him and he fell ungraciously to the floor. The other members of the meeting couldn't hold back their laughter. Gwen just stared in shock.

This was no coincidence and Gwen quickly looked over at Merlin. He was trying to hold back a laugh but when he met Gwen's eye, he gave a swift wink. She laughed out loud as Merlin quickly brought another chair over and helped her adversary onto it.

It made her feel special having Merlin risk using his magic for something so petty, just to help her. Being able to share Merlin's magic with him had created a special bond between the two. Merlin was never closed off with her anymore. Sometimes she saw him acting evasive with others and she felt honoured that she saw the _real_ Merlin. To be able to share that world with him was extraordinary.

After the meeting when most of the members had cleared out and only Gaius and Leon remained, Gwen breathed a sigh of relief. "That was a bit tense today," she commented.

"It was rather," Gaius agreed.

"It was a stroke of luck when that chair broke when it did," Leon mused.

"Yes, it was quite a coincidence," Gaius said looking over at Merlin unimpressed.

"He got what he deserved," Merlin threw back at Gaius.

"You alright, My Lady?" Leon questioned seeing Gwen rubbing her neck.

"Yes, thank you, Leon, just a bit tight."

"I can give you a neck rub if you like," Merlin offered, then added playfully, "They say I have_ magic_ hands." He wiggled his fingers around.

Gwen was immediately uncomfortable under Gaius' and Leon's stares. Leon looked between the sorcerer and his Queen with amusement.

"Perhaps some other time, Merlin," she said trying to keep a professional air about her.

"Your loss," Merlin teased shrugging and smiling at Sir Leon. Somehow, she believed he may be right about that.

A few days later, it was time for Gwen to undertake her first training session. She was in the armoury and Merlin had insisted on helping her prepare. She was already wearing her chainmail and he was fastening up the armour over the top. "I can do that, Merlin," Gwen tried.

"No, you can't, because…" Merlin paused, reaching his arms around her instead of walking behind her as was usually done. "You cannot reach this tie," he smiled flirtatiously. She looked up at him, encircled in his arms. This man, this incredible man, was showing a new side of himself. They stared into each other's eyes, neither one attempting to break the powerful gaze. Her heart was drumming in her chest at his close proximity. His hands returned to the front of the armour and he looked away reservedly while he finished tying it.

When it came to fixing the ties under her arms his fingers brushed lightly over one side of her breast, she felt a chill run down her spine even though there was a layer of chainmail separating her from his long fingers. His eyes briefly flew up to meet hers before darting away again. He hadn't meant to touch her there and Gwen found it amusing to see him trying to ignore that it had happened. She felt she had to make light of this moment.

"I do believe you're blushing, Merlin," she teased. He hadn't been, but as soon as she mentioned it, a blush covered his face. He stepped back and laughed, covering his face with a hand. She stared at him longer, seeing him squirm even more.

He bit his lip then shook his head to himself. They looked at each other, all smiles. He bounced on his heels a little then exhaled a breath. "Off you go then. Sir Leon's weak side is his left, take no mercy."

"I hardly think it'll come to that," Gwen laughed walking away.

Leon was very gracious when training her and to her relief, it wasn't a big spectacle in front of people, although Merlin watched. She caught on quickly to many of the moves but found she lacked a lot of the strength required. Leon suggested that he could also work with her to build up her muscles a little. She felt exhausted but thoroughly alive after the training and very strangely, she felt closer to Arthur. She suddenly felt scared of the new feelings she was experiencing for Merlin, she wasn't sure why but she couldn't get Arthur off of her mind for the rest of the day.

That evening on her bed with Merlin, it seemed he was trying to get his own back for Gwen embarrassing him earlier. "Gwen," he started and she smiled sensing the mood change. "Do you remember when you kissed me?" He continued good-humouredly. She didn't know him like this. So…. what was it? Was she finding him sexy?

Gwen remembered the kiss, however, she didn't think she should admit it. She was actually surprised _he_ remembered. It was many years ago. She pretended to think, "Um… no."

"No? You don't remember?"

"No, _Mer_lin" she responded in a sing song voice. "Didn't I just say no?"

"Well, I'll have to remind you then," he said light heartedly picking up her fingers and running them through his own slender fingers. "I almost died, poisoned actually. When I woke up, you dived on me and gave me a big smooch."

"I did not _dive_ on you."

"I thought you didn't remember," his fingers still ran their way over the length of hers. It was distracting her.

"Well… I didn't, but… uh… you just refreshed my memory, and I vaguely remember it now," she stuttered.

"Well, I remember it _vividly_… and you definitely dived on me."

"I was just happy you were alive," she explained. That had been part of it anyway.

"I was thinking that might have been when you fancied me," he pushed. His voice was teasing.

"Might have been. Who can remember? It was long ago," she deflected. But she was enjoying his eyes on her, enjoying him touching her slowly like that, enjoying his company.

"It was a _great _kiss." He looked at her with a smile. "I thought of it often, well…until you and Arthur-"

"Thank you, Merlin," she interrupted awkwardly, stopping him from saying more. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute all of a sudden, she felt it was about to beat out of her chest.

He looked confused. She had to get him out of here. "Goodnight, Merlin," she said dismissing him and pulling her hands out of his grasp. She smiled flirtatiously to try to take the edge off but it felt weak. She wanted some time to regather herself.

"I'm only playing," Merlin said reassuringly.

"I know," she patted him on the knee. "I'm just suddenly very tired. Please don't take it personally."

He looked unsure, totally puzzled and a little hurt but stood up and did his usual exit from her room. She had to understand what was happening here. What did she want? Something was clearly happening here between Merlin and herself. Why was she running?

She hated to admit the reason, but part of her felt like she couldn't do this to Arthur. Her true love. Once and forever.

Deep down she knew Arthur would want her happiness. And Merlin had said that when Arthur had made contact through Merlin's magic, he'd said how glad he was that Gwen and Merlin had each other.

She had to get over this. She couldn't remain in her past. Merlin made her happy. If she could make it work with him, if he felt the same way she did, she hoped she could be brave and take that leap with him. Their relationship had already changed beyond the comfortable friendship they shared.

Gwen suddenly regretted making Merlin leave her chambers like that. She hated remembering the look of hurt she had caused him. She had the ridiculous urge to follow him to his room and apologise. She didn't, of course.

In the darkness of her room later that night, after continually replaying the events of the day between herself and Merlin through her mind, for the first time since she fell in love with Arthur, Gwen allowed herself to fantasise about somebody else. The thought of Merlin being interested in her as more than a friend seemed impossible, but she now looked at him differently. She could see him for the gorgeous, sexy man he was. Could he not look at her in the same way? With desire? She hoped so.

Her mind was so muddled. It was all so exciting but she also felt she had just ruined any chance she had. She eventually fell into a restless sleep, lost in the confusion of it all but knowing she wanted to be with Merlin more than anything else.

The next morning when Merlin brought Gwen's breakfast to her, he appeared to be acting normal but Gwen could see he was hurt beneath the surface. He was unsure around her and didn't look her directly in the eye. It made her heart ache to know she had caused him to feel unhappy and she desperately wanted to rectify it. She didn't know where to start though and just made small talk at first.

"Blueberries look fresh," she observed walking over to the table where Merlin had set down her food.

"Delicious too. I already ate a couple," he laughed but avoided her eye, making himself busy pouring some water for her. She knew she had to speak with him about this. She couldn't have this tension between them. Lost for words though, she just stood next to the table waiting for him to finish straightening up. He looked to her noting her intense stare. He nodded awkwardly and looked off to the side. "Well, I guess I'll…." He was about to excuse himself.

"Merlin!" she said quickly, her voice coming out high pitched and frantic. "Could I speak with you concerning my strange behaviour last night?"

"You weren't strange," Merlin lied.

"I was," Gwen admitted grabbing Merlin's hands and leading him over to the bed where she let go of his hands and sat down.

Merlin chuckled, "Yes, okay, you were a little strange." He sat down beside her.

Gwen looked over at him, there was a tightening feeling in her chest. He looked so vulnerable and she fought the urge to reach out and touch his face. "I don't completely understand it but I'll try to be as honest as I can," she began looking down at the floor. "Yesterday, after the training, wearing the chainmail, holding the sword, all I could think about was Arthur, it was nice to remember him so vividly but it also made me-"

"It's okay, I understand," Merlin interrupted gently. "You don't have to continue. I thought it might be something like that."

She nodded and reached a hand out to rub his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

He looked over to where the chainmail was still slung over the back of a chair. His eyes clouded over and she knew she had caused him to remember Arthur wearing it. The two men standing together while Merlin prepared his King for battle. Arthur's eyes as he took comfort from Merlin's words. His smile. A quip about Merlin being 'a girl' or something similar. Merlin had shared these memories with her over the past year and she could almost see them playing out in his mind.

The tears filled his eyes and Gwen instinctively reached out and held him. He wrapped his arms around her holding her tight and then he began to cry. Really cry. His body was shuddering and the tears were coming down hard. It didn't even last a minute but the intensity of it was heartbreaking to watch. Gwen held him through it, running her hands through his hair and over his back. When he calmed down, he let go of her sitting back and taking a deep breath.

He looked over at her and now laughed at himself. "God! Where did _that_ come from?"

She laughed softly and reached out to his face, wiping his tears away with her thumbs. They looked at each other and both narrowed their eyes, conveying a feeling that meant so much. Their look encompassed everything they had been through and it had strength behind it, which both of them needed and took from the other. In that look, her resolve was strengthening and she knew it was the same for him.

_They had to go on_.

He walked over to the water and splashed some on his face turning back towards her giving her a grateful look. "Eat your breakfast, My Lady. Got to keep that strength up."

She walked over to the table laughing as she sat down. Merlin smiled and left. She wasn't sure what to feel anymore.

xxxxx

After that, their relationship seemed to drift back to friendship only. They didn't flirt openly with each other, although Gwen still thought about him in a romantic sense all the time. As they would sit together, she would find herself drinking in every part of him. His dazzling, blue eyes, his kissable lips, his creamy skin, his big hands…

At times she would be watching him without realising it, taking in the shape of his body, his fantastically, gorgeous bottom, the way he moved with such flexibility. If he noticed, he didn't let on. She would listen closely to his voice, even the sound of him breathing made her long for him. His laugh made her breath catch in her throat and whenever they touched she felt herself fighting the urge to linger longer.

A few weeks had passed and Gwen's birthday celebration was nearing. It was going to be a big event this year and Gwen was feeling excited about it. The seamstress was making her a very special dress. Gwen had chosen the design herself. Back when she was Morgana's maidservant, she used to watch her mistress attend dinners wearing the most exquisite gowns. She always hoped and dreamed she would one day own a dress like that. However, as Queen, she found that most of the dresses she had to wear were not to her liking. They were uncomfortable and required corsets and she preferred something much more elegant.

This dress though, _this_ was the dress of her dreams. The seamstress was coming to her room for the final fitting later tonight. Her birthday feast was the day after tomorrow. She was eager to celebrate and let her hair down a little.

In the evening, Gwen found herself on the rooftop of the castle looking out at the Kingdom and up at the stars. She actually felt happy. Really happy. It felt unfamiliar and strange. Her mind drifted to Merlin, her best friend. She wanted to share more with him than just friendship. She thought about him all the time. It was starting to make her crazy, watching him and not being able to touch him in an intimate way. It was almost painful at times when she felt such attraction toward him but felt she could not have him.

She tried to imagine what it would be like, being intimate with him. It was hard to envision. Merlin was being only _friendly_ these last few weeks, although she could see a lot more behind his eyes. A lasting look every now and then told her she had not imagined it all. Gwen was confused, she wondered if Merlin shared her feelings. There was something more between them for a short time, wasn't there?

_Please, don't tell me I imagined all that_. Maybe…

Just then Gwen heard a familiar voice that made her insides melt. "What are you doing up here? The skies are going to open up any minute." She turned to see Merlin smiling, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

"Merlin," she said in her most welcoming voice. This had to be fate telling her to make a move.

"Did you want to be alone or-"

"No, no, I'd be very grateful for your company," she urged. "I _always_ am," she added. "I could spend all day in your company… and all night." The implication was there. She was letting him know how important he was to her. To be extra sure he got her meaning, she looked his body up and down in a deliberate way and then let her eyes linger over his lips before meeting his eye. Gwen could see that he had read between the lines as he gave her a curious look and a slightly wicked smile.

A cold breeze brushed over them and Gwen shivered, hugging herself. "I guess it is a little cold up here," she laughed.

"Here," Merlin closed the distance between them walking up to stand behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders, slowly rubbing them down over her arms, over her hands and then his arms encircled her waist. He let his hands remain here, his body flush against hers. She immediately felt warmer as she felt desire spreading through every part of her body.

She placed her hands upon his and let herself be swept up in how incredible this felt. To be this physically close to him was sending thrills right through her. They stayed like this for a moment in silence, Merlin swaying gently with her in his arms. They didn't say anything, just enjoying their togetherness.

After a short while, Gwen was exuberantly surprised to feel Merlin hardening against her. His breathing deepened and he squirmed a little where he stood. She could not believe that she was evoking this reaction from him just by their physical closeness. Her skin tingled with delight.

Did he know she could feel him?

Instinctively, she pushed back into him, hearing his breathing become ragged and causing him to squirm even more. He inhaled deeply and chuckled softly, the sound making her body react in all her most sensitive places. She needed more. Allowing herself to be bold, she reached a hand around behind her, around to his firm bottom and she pulled him against her harder, a quiet moan escaping her lips as she felt his solid cock against her backside.

"God," Merlin exhaled a laugh. He leaned down close to her, his breath was hot and his lips pressed against her ear. "Cheeky girl," he breathed. His lips remained against her with just the hint of a nibble. Her body was on fire.

_What was happening? _

She was feeling extremely hot now, despite the cold air and it came as a shock when she felt the icy rain against her skin. "Perhaps we should go inside?" Gwen suggested breathlessly. She risked glancing up into his eyes. He smiled down at her, desire evident in his expression. His eyes took her in, resting for a moment on her cleavage where the rain was now falling between her breasts and then his eyes wandered over her full lips before returning to meet her gaze.

The rain came down even heavier and it seemed to break Merlin out of his daze as he looked up to the heavens. He grabbed her hand and the two hurried inside laughing.

In the firelight of the corridor, as they headed back to the Queens chambers, not speaking, Gwen started tossing this amazing turn of events around in her mind. Merlin was definitely interested in her. That was no longer a question. _This was going to happen, but oh my God, was it going to happen now? _Merlin still gripped her hand, but it wasn't like the usual way they held hands. His large fingers enclosed hers and he held her hand close against his body as they walked.

She was vaguely aware of passing others in the corridors. At one point, she found herself face to face with Percival. "My Lady," he nodded smiling. His eyes quickly took in their linked hands and he looked to Merlin raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. As he walked past, she saw him slap Merlin on the shoulder. Merlin grinned at Gwen and she responded with a slight roll of her eyes.

She felt nervous, her heart was beating furiously. This was real. She wasn't imagining it. Looking at Merlin, she saw a stranger, not her best friend. It made her uncomfortable to feel as if she didn't know this man, but the feeling of being with him was so new and exhilarating that she didn't mind at all, in fact, she liked feeling this way.

As they reached the door to her chambers, she was brought out of her thoughts by a voice calling her. She turned to see Anna, the seamstress standing nearby with a dress draped over her arm. "There you are, My Lady. I've been waiting for you. Final dress fitting, remember? Did you get caught in the rain?" she looked between the pair.

Gwen let go of Merlin's hand feeling self-conscious. "Thank you Anna, I'll be right in." She opened the door for her seamstress. The young girl looked uncomfortable now, obviously noticing that she had interrupted something.

"Um… I can come back… uh…"

"It's fine." Gwen nodded to the door again and Anna walked in leaving Merlin and Gwen alone in the hall. Gwen gave Merlin an apologetic look.

"It's alright," he laughed gently. Gwen stood in front of him and allowed herself to take in the image before her, committing it to memory. He was still considerably wet, his hair slightly dishevelled, his eyes bright, his lips parted and an expression on his face that encompassed the perfect amalgamation of both love and lust. She knew that she mirrored the same combination of these feelings back.

They didn't speak for a moment, just looked at each other appreciatively. After a time, Merlin urged, "Better go in and try on your gown." He looked her up and down thoughtfully. "I'm sure you'll look stunning in it."

"Thank you, Merlin," she whispered unevenly and then added, "Goodnight."

"Night," he replied pulling Gwen into an embrace and gifting her with a soft kiss on her cheek. It was not a peck though. Merlin's warm lips parted as he sensuously let his lips brush slowly over her skin. She felt goose bumps on the back of her neck and when they broke away from each other, she looked up at him longingly. His smile was breathtaking. She had to tear herself away from him and force herself to go inside her chambers and close her door.

As soon as she did, Anna was apologising to her. "I am sorry, My Queen. I did not realise you were… uh…" she trailed off unsure how much she should say.

Gwen sat on the bed just trying to make sense of everything in her head. She needed to discuss her feelings and knew she could trust Anna. The seamstress had worked in the castle for a few years now, she was only young but very good at what she did. She was loyal, good-hearted and Gwen often enjoyed sharing a laugh with her. "I think I have… strong feelings for Merlin," she admitted to the fair haired girl. That was an understatement.

Anna was surprised but then giggled. "I think he does too." She was obviously feeling pleased that the Queen had engaged her in such a personal conversation. "You should have seen the way he was looking at you."

"I did," Gwen laughed. "And my heart is still pounding."

"You've known him for a long time, have you not?"

"Yes, but this is all new between us."

"Are you two….?"

"No." Gwen could guess that Anna was already questioning whether she and Merlin were intimate yet. "But…"

"But what?" Anna smirked.

"I want to."

Anna giggled. "He_ is_ very attractive. And he clearly feels the same way about you."

"You think so?" Gwen needed to hear Anna's words of reassurance.

"Oh yeah," Anna said in her youthful way. "There was no mistaking it, My Lady." After a pause, Anna seemed concerned, "I just came right between you both. You were going to-"

"No, please. I'm not sure I was ready for anything like that. Although, it did appear to be leading to that." She pondered this for a moment. She would have taken Merlin to her bed tonight. She felt herself getting turned on when she thought of him and she blushed, aware of Anna's eyes on her. Her friend smiled, a wisdom in her eyes that was way beyond her years.

"Maybe tomorrow night," Anna suggested. Gwen smiled at her. She was pleased that Anna wasn't judging her, not expecting the Queen to marry before indulging in pleasures of the flesh. She suddenly felt even closer to this pretty, young lady.

"Unfortunately, I have a rather busy day tomorrow. I am rising very early to attend a breakfast with the farmers in the outer villages." Gwen tried to stay close to the citizens of Camelot. She believed it was important not to lose touch with what the people had to endure.

She had told Merlin not to bring breakfast and so would not see him in the morning. She further explained to Anna that she had training during the day and then a knighting ceremony after lunch. Following this was a meeting that was going to be a few hours at least, only breaking for a short dinner. Merlin would most likely be in the meeting, but otherwise, she would not see him at all tomorrow.

Anna laughed. "Goodness me, My Lady. Well, the next day is your birthday. Maybe after your feast, you and he can come back here together. It's perfect."

"Perhaps," Gwen agreed placing an arm around her friend's shoulders. "Now, speaking of my feast, I must try on my beautiful gown that you have made for me. There will be no more talk of other matters." This was her way of closing the discussion. She had much to think about.

The dress was everything she had dreamed about. It was a long, white elegant gown reaching to the floor, off the shoulders and straight across the top of her bust. The sleeves of the dress came down tight to the wrists, while the tight bodice allowed for two gold bands to gather and meet in a clasp dipping under the hips. The top and bottom of the dress, along with the borders of the sleeves were also trimmed with ornamented bands. She was fond of the way the dress showed off her skin around her shoulders, décolletage and top of her back without showing off her cleavage. It was truly beautiful in its simplicity and elegance. She adored it.

As she watched herself in the mirror, she imagined herself in this gown with Merlin next to her, coming back to her chambers and becoming intimate together. She smiled at her reflection, feeling so many emotions. She was afraid that things might soon change between her and Merlin but she also felt an excitement and joy that she would be experiencing him in this new way.

As she lay in bed, her mind kept drifting back to earlier this evening. How Merlin had held her in his arms, his body against her, holding her hand, the lustful look in his eyes, his lips against her skin. She couldn't believe that all those things had happened with her best friend. She struggled to put the image of Merlin, her friend, together with the image of the Merlin she had spent time with tonight. There was a feeling of tightness in her chest, but it was not unpleasant. It made her feel exhilarated to think she would share more and see more of this amazing man. She fantasised about Merlin being in her bed with her. Eventually, she fell asleep.

xxxxx

The next day was like a whirlwind. Gwen was up before the sun and delighted in having breakfast with the humble farmers. She enjoyed it immensely as it made her remember simpler times when she was younger. She didn't have time to think about Merlin as she rushed from the farms back to the castle to prepare for training.

As she arrived in her chainmail to the armoury, one of her least favourite knights, Sir Erec was preparing for training. She looked at him confused.

"Guinevere," he grunted impatiently. He never bothered with titles.

"Where is Sir Leon?" she couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice.

Erec smirked. "He was detained on other matters. He has asked me to train you in his stead. I did not realise it was so important to you that Leon be the one to train you." He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Gwen ignored it. "Perhaps I should cancel."

"Nonsense. I am just as competent to train you as Leon. You might even learn something new, some techniques Leon does not use in his fighting style."

"Very well then," she agreed reluctantly.

Gwen regretted agreeing to this immediately. Erec was arrogant and pompous and clearly enjoyed bossing her around, reminding her often that she was once a servant. He forced her to do the same moves over and over again and he made comments that made her feel inadequate and foolish. He even slapped her bottom at one stage and all she could manage was a stern look.

He really intimidated her and even though she was the Queen and should be feeling confident and putting this knight in his proper place, she just kept quiet and endured her time with him. She did not want to give him the satisfaction to know that he had upset her, so she put on a brave face and just tried her best to perform the moves as well as she could manage.

Afterwards she thanked him politely as they helped each other out of their chainmail. She avoided eye contact with him and was mortified when she heard him sniggering to himself. She was furious that she had let this rat get underneath her skin.

She left the armoury and only realised after she was a considerable way down the halls of the castle that she was headed for Merlin's quarters. Even with everything happening between Merlin and herself right now, she felt she needed the comfort of her old friend. Merlin always made her feel better in these types of situations and she practically sprinted to his room, grateful she was wearing tights and boots making it easier to take the stairs two or three at a time.

She burst through the door without knocking, breathing hard and frowning, her hair flowing freely around her face, her cheeks flushed from running. Merlin was sitting at the table, a large book in front of him. He was in just a shirt and trousers, no jacket, no neckerchief. He looked relaxed and so calm compared to her frantic entrance. "Hello," he greeted her taking in her appearance and giving her a beautiful smile.

"Merlin, I just had training with bloody Erec and I'm so furious," she spouted. "I'm just… _furious_". Her fists were clenched and she stood inside the door noting that thankfully Gaius was not here to see his Queen in this state of disarray.

"Tell me _all _about it," Merlin said shutting his book and moving it aside. He folded his arms and fixed Gwen with an attentive look giving her his full attention.

"Merlin, it was awful," she started dramatically. It actually wasn't all _that_ bad, but she needed to let off steam and Merlin had helped her with this kind of thing ever since they had become closer this past year. "He treated me like rubbish, like something he could step all over. He was so bossy and mean."

"What a horses arse!"

She smiled. "He thinks he is better than I am because he is born to nobility and I am not."

"Wanker!"

She laughed a little, her fury starting to melt away already. "He was so hard on me and said I still had _much_ to learn if I wanted to continue to learn anything about the art of sword fighting."

Merlin just did the wanking gesture this time. Gwen laughed again.

She was pacing the room, walking back and forth past Merlin. He watched her the whole time, never taking his eyes off her. "He's such a….." she searched for the right word.

"A manure head," Merlin offered.

"Yes!" Gwen nodded enthusiastically. "How dare he treat me like that? I can't stand him! I hate him, Merlin," she was laughing now. The venom in her words giving way to these childish insults.

Merlin laughed. "His life is clearly worth less than a toad."

"You are absolutely right," Gwen smiled, still pacing absentmindedly around the room. "You know, he even slapped my bottom."

"Are you serious? I'll kill him," Merlin said, squinting his eyes and grinning, his arms still folded in front of him.

"If he died, that would be fine with me. He's a horse's arse, wanking, manure head, whose life is worth less than a toad." Gwen felt Merlin's hand grab hers as she was making her rounds past his chair. She looked at him and they both fell into laughter as Merlin pulled Gwen onto his lap. His arms gathered around her waist and her arm came down to rest around his shoulders. They laughed some more and Gwen only stopped when her heart started beating so loud, she feared he would hear it.

"Listen," Merlin said reaching up to move a strand of hair out of Gwen's face and tucking it behind her ear. "How about I use my magic to turn him into something?" His hand came back down but this time rested lightly on her thigh. She could feel his warm hand through the light material of her tights, his other hand still on her waist. Her body reacted immediately, the blood rushing to her centre.

"Um," she smiled wickedly. "What about a donkey?"

"Too good for him."

Gwen laughed and let her hand slide over Merlin's neck and inside the top of his shirt, rubbing sensuously over the top of his back. He looked at her in that gorgeous way that made her insides start fluttering around. This felt so good.

"A goat?" Gwen offered.

When Merlin spoke again, his voice was different. It was deep and soft, more breathy and quiet. "No, I don't think so." His large, strong hand on her thigh now casually made its way to her inner thigh. "I could turn him into a frog. We could keep him in a box and feed him insects." He bounced her a little on his knee.

"Alright. A frog it is," she agreed. As they laughed together, her eyes drifted between his eyes and lips. Their faces were close and his skin was so warm where her fingers still brushed against his body under his shirt. She couldn't believe this was happening and yet it felt so right. "I'm sorry I burst in like that, all angry," Gwen said shaking her head.

"Don't apologise, Gwen. I really like that side of you. So passionate." His hand moved slightly higher and higher along her thigh, his long fingers and thumb rubbing ever so lightly on their way up, stopping their journey when they were dangerously close to where Gwen felt incredibly hot right now. He was watching her mouth and looked as though he was trying to keep his breathing under control.

Just then Gwen heard the door open and jumped to her feet when Gaius entered the room. "Gaius, hi!" she said way too loudly and overenthusiastically.

"Guinevere," Gaius said in greeting looking at her confused. His eyes met Merlin's still seated with his hands in his lap. Both physicians seemed to be trying to read each other's mind. Nobody spoke for a few moments, it was incredibly awkward.

Gwen suddenly remembered how busy she was and used it as a reason to excuse herself. "I must prepare for my lunch and then I have a knighting ceremony to attend."

"Don't let me… interrupt, I can always…uh… come back later," Gaius stuttered still watching Merlin's expression and trying to understand the younger man's meaning.

"Don't be foolish, Gaius. You are not interrupting anything." Gwen huffed, "Merlin was just listening to me rant on about Sir Erec. But, I must go now." Gwen nodded to them both and headed for the door.

"See you at the meeting later," Merlin called raising his eyebrows.

"What? Oh yes. Of course. See you there," she smiled anxiously and dashed off.

As she hurriedly changed her clothes for lunch, her mind kept replaying the scene that had just taken place. Gaius had walked in and she was pretty sure, had interrupted a possible kiss. She was so turned on every time she remembered the way Merlin touched her, looked at her, spoke softly to her, his beautiful skin, his breathing. She wanted him so much, she literally ached.

As she arrived (late) to lunch with members of the court, she had to put it all to the back of her mind for now and concentrate on being a polite, attentive Queen. Several times though, she had to be called out of her daydream. It was embarrassing and unprofessional… but she could no longer help it. This was getting out of control.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Gwen was exhausted by the time the meeting was scheduled to start. A burst of energy ran through her when she saw Merlin enter the meeting room. She and the members were all standing, headed for their seats. Gwen could not help herself reaching out to touch Merlin as he walked by her, running her hand up along his arm and squeezing his shoulder. They smiled knowingly at each other. She was grateful when she saw Leon greeting Merlin with a familiar arm around the shoulder, she figured this may make her own affection toward him appear merely friendly to the others in the room.

The meeting was a bore. She listened to parts of it, but others she just drifted away. They had a short dinner where Gwen was surrounded by about six men all trying to persuade her to think as they did. She found relief in looking to Merlin and rolling their eyes to each other.

When the meeting was concluded Gwen found herself yawning and rubbing her eyes. "You alright?" she heard Merlin's attractive voice speak in her ear.

"No," she whispered so the others couldn't hear. "That was mind numbing. I feel brain dead." They started to head out of the room and through the corridors on the way back to her chambers.

"You know," Merlin said grinning. "You were asleep for some of it."

"I was not! Was I?" Gwen asked concerned.

"It's okay, nobody else noticed."

"Thank goodness for that." She breathed a sigh of relief. "How inappropriate of me," she commented, not really caring too much about it all though when she heard Merlin's sexy laugh.

She yawned all the way back to her room, dragging her feet. In her chambers, Merlin looked at her frowning and biting his lip. "You're very tired, aren't you?"

"I'm afraid so."

"It's the Queen's birthday tomorrow," he smirked. "You need to get a good night's rest, I should get going."

She nodded, watching him pull her bed down for her. She really was beyond tired. She splashed some water on her face.

"Just one question," Merlin said, hands on hips.

"What is it, Merlin?" she asked drying her face on a small towel.

"Why did you jump out of your skin and run away like that when Gaius walked in on us today?" He raised his eyebrows as he waited for an answer.

"I just didn't want Gaius to get the wrong idea," she tried to explain.

"What's the _wrong_ idea?" he teased.

"You know? Like, I don't know… like something was happening."

"_Something_? Like what?"

"Merlin," Gwen warned with a small smile. "I am way too tired for this cheekiness." They laughed together. _God, he was gorgeous_.

She couldn't help herself as she muttered "Goodnight, gorgeous." He seemed startled that she had said it, she was quite surprised too actually. She pulled him into an embrace, squeezing him tightly and pushing her breasts against his chest, enjoying the feeling of his hard body against her nipples. He hugged her back, enveloping her in his strong arms.

When they parted, he looked at her and shook his head. "_You _are the cheeky one, Guinevere." She couldn't read the look in his eyes as he turned and headed for the door. "Goodnight, birthday girl. See you in the morning."

That night, she lay in bed thinking of Merlin. Every time she pictured him, it turned her on. She didn't even have to imagine him in a sexual situation. Just thinking of his face made her ache for him. She fell asleep quickly, exhausted from her busy day. As usual, Merlin was the last thing she thought about before falling away to dreams.

xxxxx

It was her birthday. She awoke in a calm, happy mood and was excited when she heard Merlin rap on the door. She was already out of bed as she called for him to enter. He walked in with a tray full of delicious looking fruit and pastries and a big smile spread across his face. "Happy Birthday!"

"Merlin, how delightful. Will you stay and help me eat that? It is rather a big portion."

"The kitchen staff wanted to make sure you had an extra special treat on your extra special day," Merlin said placing the tray on the table.

"I will certainly stop in and thank them later on," Gwen said eying up the food and wondering where to start. She spotted a little gift wrapped in cloth with a small note. "What's this?"

"A gift," Merlin replied quickly. "From me. You can open it later."

"I shall do no such thing. I will open it now," Gwen beamed.

They sat opposite each other at the table as Gwen unfolded the note and noticed Merlin trying to busy himself with assembling food on his plate. He was acting a little shy and she felt a pang inside to think how sweet he was. She opened the note which had one sentence written in Merlin's tidy handwriting. _"You mean the world to me Gwen". _

She smiled over at him undoing the cloth around the gift, not having words to show her gratitude. He just watched her. The gift was in a small box and when she opened it, there was a beautiful necklace inside with two charms on it. The necklace looked familiar. When she studied it closer, she noticed that the charms were a little sword and anvil. She immediately remembered seeing it at a jewellers shop with Merlin many months ago and commenting on how much she loved it as it reminded her of both her father and Elyan.

Her eyes immediately filled with tears. "Merlin, I don't know what to say. This is the most beautiful, thoughtful gift I have ever received. I love it. Truly I do. Thank you."

Merlin nodded at her, his expression was soft. "You are most welcome." His voice came out charged with emotion.

"You also mean the world to me, Merlin. I wouldn't want to be in it without you." She reached over the table and took his hand. They stayed that way for a moment before Merlin cleared his throat and began to load delicious, creamy buns, strawberries and more on her plate. They ate together talking about the feast tonight and Merlin told her how wonderful it would be to be there as a guest, as she had insisted. He was looking forward to drinking the wine, instead of serving it.

Gwen was surprised how much she ate, it was all so delicious and she certainly did not want to waste any. She had normal duties to attend to today and as Merlin was preparing to leave she told him that she looked forward to seeing him tonight at the party. Merlin agreed, "I look forward to seeing you in your dress. I'll come and see you before you leave for the feast."

"Thank you again for my gift and note," Gwen said putting her hands on his shoulders and reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. He turned his head at the last moment and they caught lips. _Oh my God! Those lips! _She stood back and looked up at him. From the look in his eyes, she could see that Merlin turning his head was no accident. It was deliberate. He licked his lips absentmindedly and they smiled as he left the room.

All day, Gwen thought of those lips pressed against hers. She wanted more. She wanted so much more.

Fortunately, the day went by quickly and before she knew it, she was standing in front of her mirror in her beautiful gown, admiring her reflection. She had to admit it to herself, she looked divine. Her hair had been styled so it fell in ringlets around her face, the gown complimented her figure just as she had wanted it to and the soft white colour of the dress made her dark skin look gorgeous. She was wearing some jewellery, including Merlin's necklace, but she did not wear a crown of any sort. She wanted to be Gwen tonight. Not Her Royal Highness.

When Merlin entered the room, he stood facing her, his eyes taking in every inch of her. "Do you like?" Gwen said in her most silly voice, doing a mock curtsey and playing the fool. She was determined not to behave as a Queen would tonight. This was her night off.

"You look absolutely captivating," Merlin said running his hand through his hair. He looked at her for a little longer as she stood there smiling. He pointed to the necklace and smiled.

"You look great too," Gwen stated in her awkward way.

"I look like I always do," Merlin laughed.

"No," Gwen mused. "You are not wearing your neckerchief… and that is a newish jacket."

"Very observant, Guinevere. But tonight is about you. _All _about you. I want you to have an incredible time." That was Merlin! And that was why she loved him. He was so selfless, so giving and he never expected anything in return. "I'll see you there. Leon should be here any minute, right?"

"Yes." Sir Leon was accompanying her as she made her grand entrance. She wished it was Merlin. As he went to leave, she suddenly felt she needed to hug him. "Merlin!" He turned back toward her. "Can I have a cuddle?"

"Of course," he laughed taking her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he encircled her shoulders. "You alright?"

"Bit nervous, I think." She wasn't sure why, but instinct told her it had nothing to do with the feast and everything to do with the incredible man in her arms.

"It's pretty overwhelming, isn't it?" He said in an understanding tone. She wasn't sure what he was speaking of. Did he also mean the feelings between them both? She didn't respond with words, just held him closer.

They stayed like this for a minute or so, not speaking. She felt wonderful. Then, as if they had a mind of their own, her hands found their way underneath the back of his tunic and she softly stroked his warm, smooth skin. She heard him let out a sharp intake of breath. "I like that," he murmured in a deliciously rough voice.

"Yeah?" Gwen questioned lightly, enjoying the feel of his skin beneath her fingers.

"Mmm… yeah," he continued, breathing deeply. His hands began to caress her back and shoulders, running his hands under her long hair. "But…" She could hear the smile in his voice, "Your hands are cold."

"Sorry," she laughed.

They met eyes as he laughed and then said in a voice barely above a whisper "No… I like it."

He reached behind himself slowly, grabbing her wrists and directed her hands, still underneath his tunic around to the front of his body. He pushed her hands sensuously over his belly letting her feel his taut stomach as they held each other's gaze. There was a hunger in his eyes she knew he could also see in her own. Her pulse was racing and her heart was thundering inside her chest.

There was so much heat between them as he pushed her hands further up inside of his shirt to his chest, so clearly enjoying the feel of her hands on his body. He then moved his own hands to her waist, leaving hers inside his tunic, exploring him. They were both breathing incredibly heavy now as she continued to run her hands over his torso. She could feel his inhalations and exhalations against her palms, her whole body felt as if she may light on fire, this was so hot. His body felt amazing.

The look in his eyes was mesmerising as she dared to go further, running her thumbs over his nipples. She heard him let out an almost inaudible moan as he squeezed her waist where he held it and gave her the most intense look, pulling her into him. She felt his arousal against her belly as his hands slid behind her fondling her bottom, groaning low in his throat. His cock felt so hard and she found herself desperately wanting to feel it inside of her.

Just then there was a knock on the door. "Shit," Gwen breathed biting her lip. "I don't believe it."

Merlin stepped back and sighed frustrated, but then he shook his head and laughed. "Wow!" he exhaled, running his hands over his face and through his hair.

"I know," Gwen smirked at him. "Come in!" she called to the door reaching over to quickly pull Merlin's shirt down and straighten it up as they grinned at each other.

Leon entered and upon seeing Gwen he held his hand to his heart. "You look devastatingly beautiful tonight, My Lady." He put his arms around her and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. She winked at Merlin while in Leon's arms. He smiled back adoringly.

"Thank you Leon, but I am not _My Lady_ tonight, I am just _Gwen._"

"Gwen then," Leon said still looking at her with admiration. He finally noticed Merlin. "Oh, Merlin, didn't see you there. Do you not think that Gwen here is the most beautiful creature on this earth?"

"Undoubtedly." Merlin responded. "I'll see you both at the feast," he added leaving with a small nod toward her.

Leon looked to Gwen placing his hands on her shoulders. They smiled warmly at each other. "Guinevere, I am both proud and honoured to accompany you to your birthday feast tonight. Camelot is most blessed to have a Queen such as yourself. Not only that, you are a very close friend. You have endured many hardships. I hope that you are able to enjoy tonight and put all of that behind you."

"Thank you Leon. You are very kind. I am also proud to have Camelot's finest knight accompany me tonight. You have been a very good friend to me, long before I was even Queen. I am grateful to you for your friendship." They linked arms and Gwen took a deep breath as she headed toward the grand hall.

Her evening was running magnificently. With every sip of wine and every laugh, she felt herself becoming more and more relaxed. There were so many guests there, each wanting a piece of Gwen's time. She found it encouraging that so many people had her best wishes at heart. Several even commented on how good it was to see the Queen so happy. It made her feel proud to be the ruler of this Kingdom. Servants, knights, nobles and townsfolk had all been invited. No matter where she looked, she could not see a frowning face. Gwen found herself with a little tear in her eye to think of how much kindness was in this Kingdom, and it filled her with a strong determination to protect these people, _her _people.

"What are you thinking?" Merlin asked approaching her at a rare moment when she wasn't surrounded by guests.

"I'm just very much appreciating and enjoying this night," Gwen told him surveying the room full of laughter.

"It is perfect," he agreed and then looked over at her with a reflective expression on his face. "Many years ago, Gwen, I told you not to lose your good heart. Despite the incredible difficulties you have faced, amazingly your good heart still remains. In fact, I believe it is even more pure and true than ever before."

"Thank you, Merlin," Gwen smiled appreciating the compliment and squeezing his shoulder. "I could say the same thing about you."

They smiled at each other as Percival appeared next to them. "Great evening. I'm having a ball. What about you two?"

"Delightful," Gwen replied enthusiastically as more of the guests gathered around them joining in the conversation also in agreement that it was a magnificent evening.

"It's a joy to see you really letting your hair down, Gwen," Percival told her making sure to call her 'Gwen' and not use her title. "You may be a bit of a party girl yet."

"Hey," Merlin cut in, looking at Percival and grabbing Gwen in a bit of a headlock, "I've known this woman for many, many years and believe me, there is a good-time girl in there just waiting to unleash hell on all of us." They all laughed and as the conversation continued, Merlin let his arms fall to Gwen's waist pulling her against him so that she could immediately feel his hardness. She playfully wriggled against him and they laughed together quietly. She continued to converse with her guests, distracted by the feeling of Merlin against her but enjoying his closeness and the fact that she absolutely did not feel like a Queen right now.

As the evening continued, she knew she was starting to feel very tipsy and she revelled in the feeling of letting go of control. She was having a wonderful time. She had hardly seen Merlin at all this evening though and her eyes searched the room for him. She spied him with one of the newest knights, Sir Daniel. He was a large man, almost Percival's size. Merlin was arm wrestling him and she could see that magic was at play. Merlin was not so obvious as to beat the strong knight, but he was making it look like he was tougher than he actually was. He was impressing the small crowd watching. She headed over to them just as Merlin allowed the knight to finally win.

"Pretty impressive!" Sir Daniel exclaimed standing up and taking in Merlin's size compared to his own. Merlin shrugged mock arrogantly and the two men held each other's gaze before fits of laughter took over them. The large knight picked the warlock up and tossed him over his shoulder, the sound of Merlin's free and easy laughing making her insides melt. When Merlin was back on his feet, he noticed Gwen watching. She smiled flirtatiously at him and he returned her look with an equally flirty smile.

The boisterous crowd continued to laugh and talk noisily to each other as Merlin made his way over to her. He spoke loudly to be heard over the racket. "Enjoying your night?"

"I am," Gwen responded swaying slightly on her feet. Merlin grabbed her arms to steady her and leaned in close to her ear, their cheeks were pressed against one another and Gwen fought the irresistible urge to start kissing him.

"You okay?" he spoke softly into her ear, his voice making her heart skip a few beats.

"Bit drunk," she laughed. She was also talking into his ear. She could not see his face, only feel it against her own. It felt so good. "I know that's highly inappropriate for a Queen."

"Nonsense."

"You behaving?" she questioned playfully.

He laughed and his voice deepened in that way she loved. "I keep thinking about earlier in your chambers. That was hot."

"It definitely was," she giggled.

"You've had me feeling horny as hell all evening though."

_Oh my God! _

"Sorry about that," she managed to whisper.

"It's alright. I forgive you." His breath was so hot. _He_ was so hot!

She felt an arm on her shoulder and turned to see Leon. He had one arm around her and one around Merlin. "Some of the others and I are headed back to the knights quarters to continue this party. Kind of like an after party," he added. "You are both invited."

"Um..." Gwen pondered. She was pretty drunk already, but she was having such a great night and didn't want it to end. She looked at Merlin. He seemed to be waiting to see what she would say.

"You must come, Gwen," Leon pleaded. "Wouldn't be the same without you." He rested his head on her forehead. "Please." She could see Leon was pretty drunk too.

"Yes, of course," she agreed.

"Merlin?" Leon asked turning to the young man at his side.

"Well, you have to beg me like you did with Gwen," Merlin joked.

"Please... please…please," Leon chortled, poking Merlin in the ribs.

"Yes! Okay!" Merlin called out between laughs trying to push Leon's hands away.

The knights' dining room became the new venue where knights and servants now drank obscenely and nobody was concerned about keeping up appearances. Gwen remembered having a drink or two when she first got there but then it seemed she struggled to remember the rest of the evening. She must have been _way_ too drunk. She found herself sitting on Leon's lap laughing when Merlin approached her. "Merlin!" she sang out with Leon.

"I think it's time for the Queen to retire for the night," Merlin said gently, pulling Gwen to her feet, but keeping a supportive arm around her waist.

"Noooo," Leon said in a voice dripping with disappointment.

"Noooo," Gwen echoed.

"Come on," Merlin said softly, pulling her with him.

"Goodnight, sweet Guinevere," Leon called after them.

"Goodnight…" she momentarily forgot his name thinking about Merlin's hands all over her. He led her down the corridors and up the stairs, round corners and back to her chambers. She was proud of how well she was walking but she didn't speak at the same time as it took all her concentration to do just one thing right now.

Back in her room, Merlin sat her down on her bed handing her a cup of water. She realised this was the moment she had been waiting for. Alone with Merlin in her chambers. She could finally have him in her bed. She sipped the water for a while.

"Feeling better?" Merlin questioned sitting next to her, those hands still on her arms, her thighs, her back.

"I feel great," she said placing the water down on the bedside table.

"Did you enjoy your evening?"

"I did indeed. What about you, Merlin?" Gwen asked giving in to her urge to kiss him. She leaned over and kissed him playfully and briefly on the lips.

Merlin looked at her dangerously for a minute but smiled into the kiss as her lips playfully touched his again. "I had a really wonderful time too."

"Mmmm," she murmured, giving him more playful, little kisses on his lips. "It was the perfect birthday. But it isn't over yet." Their faces were so close. She started to deepen her kisses, making them longer and more seductive. "Come to bed with me, Merlin."

"Please, Gwen, don't," Merlin groaned but he didn't move away, didn't stop the kisses.

"Why?" She pouted. "What is it?" She loved feeling his lips against hers.

Merlin spoke between kisses. He was kissing her back now too, sending tingles right through her body. "Unfortunately… I think… you're a little… too drunk."

"I'm not too drunk," she argued. On some level, she knew she was, but she wanted this man before her with every part of her. "I'm not, I promise."

"You had your tongue in Leon's ear twenty minutes ago," Merlin reminded her sitting back.

"Really?" She asked confused then added honestly, "I don't remember that." Merlin nodded a soft smile on his face.

_Moving on_.

"Anyway, I don't want Leon, I want you."

He looked into her eyes. It took a while for her to focus properly on his, but when she did she tried to act as sober as she could. He laughed grabbing her chin in his hand. "You're cute like this."

Gwen took the opportunity to lean in again for another kiss. This time she opened her mouth and breathed into him, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling of his beautiful lips against hers. He let her begin to move her mouth against his and she felt excitement when he started to return the kiss enthusiastically, his own mouth pressing against hers and his lips parting in hot, wet kisses.

Soon she felt his tongue press on her lips and she opened her mouth for him, welcoming the feeling of his tongue in her mouth. She was so exhilarated by the sensations she was feeling and felt she couldn't hold back any longer. "I want you," she breathed against his mouth.

"Shit, Gwen," he moaned, his voice hoarse.

"So much."

Suddenly he wasn't kissing her anymore, he was actually_ tonguing_ her. It was rough and sexy and she felt such warmth at her core, letting out a desperate moan against his plush, full lips. His hand was gripping her thigh, the other supporting him on the bed. She ran her hands through his soft hair, grabbing his neck and pulling his mouth against her hard.

She kissed him fiercely, losing control of herself as she pushed him back on the bed and lay down on top of him. Her body went weak as she felt his hot erection against her through his breeches. They kissed passionately like this for a while, placing their mouths to each other's necks and faces, their hands gripping each other desperately. The sexiest noises were coming from Merlin and she also heard herself groaning with such a strong need for him.

Merlin cursed, breathing heavily and pulled Gwen against himself, grinding into her with the hungriest moan she had ever heard. It made her feel as if she would light aflame right now. _Shit, he was so hard_.

He rolled her over so he was now on top of her. For a minute, in the roll, she felt herself go lightheaded and she struggled to regain her focus for a second. _Why did she have so much to drink?_

She saw Merlin look into her eyes and he seemed to notice her loss of attention. It seemed to break him out of the heat of passion and he closed his eyes for a second and drew in a deep breath. "We can't, Gwen. Not like this," he panted climbing off of her. She sat up disappointed but feeling a little dizzy. "Do you understand?" he asked softly.

"Not completely. But I feel I will tomorrow," she laughed. She was overcome with the sudden desire to sleep.

Merlin helped her lie back on her pillows and covered her over with a blanket. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay."

She nodded, closing her eyes. She couldn't keep them open any longer. She felt a soft kiss on her lips and then she gave in to sleep and let it take her.

xxxxx

When Gwen woke up, she registered that she was still in her beautiful gown and that she had a headache and then the memories of last night came flooding back to her. Her heart lurched when she remembered how drunk she had been, trying to get Merlin in to her bed. _Please no, that did not happen! _

She hoped she was only remembering a dream but it was too real to be a dream. She could remember what it felt like to be making out with Merlin all too well. Embarrassment aside, it was incredible. He was such a great kisser, so sexy, so… Wait! She had to piece this together. What had happened? Obviously, she and Merlin had quite a bit to drink last night and when they came back to her room, they… made out!

Gwen was grateful she had no duties today. She had ensured to take care of everything the previous few days, hence why it had been so busy, she wanted to be able to enjoy her birthday eve without the fear of waking up to a list full of tasks. Now she was waking up to a day full of embarrassment instead.

Merlin had not arrived with a breakfast tray yet but he was probably feeling hungover, as she was. She knew she had to see him, talk to him, explain herself, apologise, but she was also feeling enormously embarrassed and wondered how she could face him. She dressed anyway and headed to his quarters, blinking and shielding her eyes from the sun as she crossed the courtyard.

She knocked meekly on the door and entered to see Gaius and Merlin standing together inside. She met eyes briefly with Merlin and then quickly looked to Gaius. "Good morning, Gwen, I was just finishing one of my famous hangover drinks for you. Merlin was going to bring it over."

"Thank you, Gaius. That would be most welcome the way I am feeling right now." He walked over to where she stood just inside the door and handed her the drink. She drank it all down swiftly.

"I was just on my way out!" Gaius suddenly exclaimed. He started to gather up things that he needed and shoved them in his bag. It was obvious he was not on his way out at all and was just trying to give the young warlock and his Queen some privacy. He smiled at them both and disappeared out the door.

"Hi," she said in a wounded voice to Merlin once they were alone.

"Hi," he grinned. He was so gorgeous. "How are you feeling?"

She brought her hands to her face, covering it with embarrassment. "Mortified." Her voice came out muffled behind her palms. He laughed. "Merlin, it's not funny." She uncovered her face, risking a look over at him.

He held his arms out toward her for her to come and cuddle him. She promptly made her way into his arms burying her face against his chest, hiding in his blue shirt that made his eyes look so beautiful.

"Don't worry," Merlin started. "Leon will not remember anything. I saw him earlier this morning and he was wrecked."

"It is not Leon that I am worried about."

"What are you worried about?"

"Us, Merlin!" she stated as if it should be obvious gesturing between the two of them. "I'm embarrassed about us."

"About you and I fooling around last night?" he asked openly.

"Yes," she nodded. "My behaviour was embarrassing." She squeezed her eyes together as if trying to erase the humiliation.

"You were _not_ embarrassing," he told her grabbing her hands. "You were sexy."

She smiled shyly at him. "Are you not embarrassed?"

"Not at all."

"You were pretty drunk too, Merlin."

He laughed casually. "I wasn't."

"Oh, Merlin. Come on, you certainly were," she said remembering his tongue in her mouth, him grinding against her, the two of them necking each other on the bed.

"Gwen, I only had two goblets of wine at the beginning of the evening. I was very near sober, actually."

The reality of the situation started to hit her. "Why did you only have two drinks?" she asked confused.

"I didn't want to get too drunk" he smiled at her.

She was mortified again. "Oh God, Merlin." He had been careful not to overdo it for the sake of her and she had been drunker than she could ever remember.

"It was _your_ party, Gwen," Merlin said with a hint of mischief. "It would have been strange if you didn't have_ twenty-five _drinks."

"Please don't make fun," she groaned holding her pounding head.

He looked at her affectionately. "Look..." He placed his hands on her shoulders and walked her to the door. "Why don't you head to the dining room and have some breakfast. I will get some oils together and get a bath for you in your chambers. You can soak in the bath, relax, get over your hangover and then I'll come and see you and we can talk about everything."

She nodded, looking up at him. "Thanks."

"See you soon. And _stop_ worrying, okay?"

She nodded and wandered off to have breakfast, only eating a little. She was amazed when she entered her chambers to a steaming hot bath that smelled beautiful. Merlin had gone all out with the oils and candles, no doubt using magic to set it all up so quickly.

In her bath, Gwen felt herself relaxing and feeling less embarrassed about everything. Merlin had not been drunk, but he had still _fooled around_ with her as he had phrased it. She liked the thought that he had not been able to resist taking some advantage of their situation last night, but he still had not allowed himself to take it all the way. She would have hated to have been so drunk for their first time together.

She let herself remember the events in her room last night. Merlin was so passionate. His kisses so hot. Opening his mouth to kiss her, feeling his body against her own. She couldn't believe that she had experienced him like that. She groaned aloud just thinking about it and was tempted to reach down and pleasure herself but decided against it.

Merlin meant so much to her now. She both desired and loved him. She _needed_ him to feel the same way about her. If he did not, she would have to banish him from Camelot rather than look upon him every day knowing he would never be hers. All evidence suggested he did feel the same way as she did. However, she was a little afraid to build her hopes up for fear of being completely wrong about this. Either way, she had fallen hard for him and needed to do _something_ about it. He wanted to_ talk_ about things. It filled her with nerves to imagine confronting this head on.

After a while, she stopped fretting and gave in to the warmth of the water and relaxing scent of lavender oil. When she sat at her dressing table afterwards in her white, silk robe brushing her slightly damp hair, she was more at ease and grateful to be rid of her hangover. Her heart still started beating faster, however, when she heard the knock on the door.

"Yes," she called. Merlin entered with a bunch of flowers that he had clearly spent the time picking whilst Gwen had been in the bath. He had already put them in a vase and he walked over to the dining table and placed them down. Gwen looked over to him. He wasn't looking at her. "They are so beautiful, Merlin. It's not my birthday anymore though, what are they for?"

"For being Gwen," he smiled finally looking at her. He took a deep breath and added nervously, "And because… I'm head over heels for you." She couldn't believe he said that! Merlin was head over heels for her. An enormous smile spread over her face. She didn't want to respond for fear of saying something awkward and clumsy like she usually did around him lately. She watched the gorgeous, young man as he appeared to gather his courage and walked over to where she was sitting.

He took her brush out of her hand and without saying a thing gathered her hair together and began to gently brush it. She faced the mirror, still unable to speak. They met eyes in the reflection, a sexy look on his face, before he shifted his gaze to her hair and concentrated whole heartedly on running the brush down the length. The feeling of his hands stroking her hair as he brushed it was utterly erotic to her and she felt her nipples harden against the silk of her shift.

Gwen held her breath as Merlin leaned down beside her to place the brush on the table. His hands rested on her shoulders and he whispered against her ear, "You smell delicious."

Gwen fought to keep her breath under control. This was turning her on so much.

She held his gaze in the mirror, feeling his hot breath in her ear, as his hands slid down her body, brushing subtly over the sides of her breasts, coming to rest on her waist. He started to nibble on her ear, her neck, her cheek, smiling at her reflection. She smiled back at him, licking her lips, feeling so weak. She was grateful she was already seated as she knew her legs would be unable to support her right now.

She had never felt this all-encompassing feeling of desire before. Her senses were heightened as she could _feel_ Merlin's lips against her skin, _see _him kissing and biting at her neck in the mirror, and _hear_ him breathing hard and softly humming against her face. She moaned, letting her head fall back as she felt Merlin's tongue licking her neck, his teeth nipping playfully at her soft skin.

"You _taste_ delicious too," Merlin breathed meeting her eyes in the mirror again. His expression was pure lust.

Gwen couldn't wait any longer. She rose to her feet placing her hands on his chest and backed him up until he was next to her bed. They both smiled sinfully at each other as they walked. She pushed him down, so he was sitting on the bed, stepping in between his legs looking down at him, not hiding her desire.

Merlin's hands came back to rest on her waist as Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck, untying the young man's neckerchief and removing it. She leant toward him and began to nibble down Merlin's jawline, over his neck and then pushed her lips hard against his collarbone. It excited her to be able to feel him in this way. To be able to kiss his skin and see him visibly enjoying her like this. He definitely tasted good. She let her tongue explore him in a way she had only dreamed about. A quiet groan escaped his lips.

She stood back up straight, placing her hands on his face and smiling, a little shy now. He pulled her closer, his hands still on her waist as they looked at each other for a moment, both anticipating what was about to come, knowing each other in this new way. She felt truly connected to him.

He glanced over at the door and then his eyes flashed gold as she heard the door lock. She laughed, revelling in the way Merlin was watching her lovingly. She looked at his beautiful mouth, a small smile upon his face and she couldn't resist reaching out to run her fingers over his soft lips. His tongue lapped out at her fingers as he kissed them and sucked them into his mouth, all the while watching her. She was mesmerised by those kissable lips and yearned to feel them against her own.

Gwen placed her hands on his shoulders and bent down to meet Merlin's mouth in a gentle kiss. They kissed softly at first, just letting the feeling wash over them. His lips were every bit as gorgeous as she remembered from last night. She could hear him breathing through his nose as the kiss started to become more heated. He stood up, keeping his lips upon hers and pulled Gwen closer.

She reached up to his lips now that he was standing, her hands against his chest, they were both breathing harder now and the kiss was more powerful and desperate. His tongue forced its way into her mouth and she accepted it immediately, whimpering a little when his tongue licked her own.

Merlin took his jacket off, discarding it on the floor, his hands now running over her back and her arms, while he made gorgeous little moans and groans. Her body was hot with desire and she needed to feel his hands on her skin. She undid the tie on her robe and let it drop to the ground. She was only wearing a little slip under her robe, also white silk, it hung just below her bottom and exposed most of her body. He took in the image before him appreciatively and then moved quickly to kiss the bare skin now on display. Beginning at her décolletage and working his way over her shoulders and neck, his lips pressed firmly against her dark skin sending thrills through her whole body.

He held her tighter as his lips moved lower to the tops of her breasts, his large hands cupping her firmly as he caressed her over the silky material of her slip. She moaned loudly as his fingers brushed over her nipples and his tongue licked her cleavage, the feeling of his hot mouth causing her to grip him firmly and throw her head back. She watched him exploring her breasts fervently and she felt an ache between her legs, a desperate craving to feel him entering her.

His hands were everywhere, in her hair, on her face, her waist, her breasts, it was almost too much to bear. Then she felt his hands reach up underneath the back of her slip and glide over her bottom. His calloused fingers against her smooth skin made her tremble. "Oh God… Merlin!" she groaned breathlessly.

"You have such a sexy body, Gwen," Merlin whispered gripping her bottom tightly and kissing her roughly.

Her tongue desperately sought his out again as they both fought for dominance of the kiss. Their mouths and tongues wildly exploring each other as they clung to each other fiercely. Gwen urgently needed to feel his skin… his body. The extreme need to touch him was overwhelming.

She pushed him down on the bed making quick work of removing his boots and socks and then climbed on the bed, kneeling between his legs and undid his belt. She looked at him teasingly as he lay back on his elbows, he was catching his breath after being carried away a few moments ago. He caught her eye with the sexiest look as he awaited what she would do now.

Gwen took her time, and slowly pulled up his tunic to reveal his sexy stomach. She was going to devour him. He wore his trousers low on his hips which she was delighted gave her access to more skin. They smiled mischievously at each other as she lightly ran her fingers over him, enjoying watching him squirm. She licked her lips and relished in the intense look of lust on his face as he looked her firmly in the eyes.

She leant down to methodically kiss his abdomen, making sure not to miss any skin. She ran her lips and tongue all over the exposed flesh, inside his belly-button and down to his hipbones, spending extra time licking and biting along the line of his trousers. "Feels so good," he told her in a deep, husky voice.

His skin was so incredibly hot and when she heard Merlin breathing deeply and quietly moan her name, she trembled with pleasure.

Her eyes drifted to the bulge in his breeches and she ran a hand over him, rubbing hard and looking up at him devilishly. She was fascinated by how hard and hot he was.

"Shit!" he breathed sitting up and pulling his shirt off. He grabbed her face and caught her mouth in a hot, wet, lingering kiss. She climbed on his thighs, straddling him, moaning into the kiss and running her hands over his chest and back. His body was absolutely gorgeous. Gone was the thin boy she first met. Merlin's strong back and manly chest had her pulse racing as his muscular arms pulled off her silky slip and tossed it aside.

He pressed his body against hers, both of them breathing hard and kissing passionately. "Yes, Merlin," she said into his mouth. The feeling of hot skin against hot skin was deliciously out of this world. They clung to each other falling back on to the bed and Merlin rolled on top of her. He ran his hand down between her breasts and over her abdomen and then followed with his tongue, licking from collarbone down to belly-button.

Merlin looked into her eyes and smiled beautifully at her as he trailed his fingers over her thighs and between her legs. He groaned in appreciation of her wetness, kissing her softly while muttering, "Oh…Yes, Gwen."

He fingered her clit, eliciting a loud groan from her and then slid a long finger inside of her finding her spot right away and pushing against it causing her hips to buck as she breathed out his name. After teasing her a little like this, his hands returned to exploring her breasts and he mouthed her nipples ravenously. She grabbed at the bed covers, throwing her head back and feeling herself give totally over to this amazing feeling.

Gwen was feeling on the edge of reality now as she encircled Merlin's body with her legs and rolled on top of him, undoing the laces on his breeches and tugging them off. She looked upon his gorgeous cock and couldn't resist touching it. She ran her hand along the length, so smooth and rock hard at the same time. "So sexy, Merlin."

A strangled kind of noise was all Merlin could manage in response. She leaned forward and pushed her breasts together allowing his cock to slide between them. Merlin groaned, "Oh…hell!"

They wrestled around on the bed together some more, exploring each other's bodies with their hands and mouths, enjoying the feeling of being naked and against one another. The heat between them both was making her feel weak. Gwen was virtually delirious with pleasure.

Soon Merlin was lying atop of her, his cock between her legs, neither of them able to wait a minute longer. He looked at her tenderly as he entered her, the amazing feeling of him throbbing inside of her causing her to cry out.

She was lost in the ecstasy of the moment, watching and feeling Merlin thrust into her, so passionate, so hot, her hips rising to meet his thrusts. She clenched around him and heard him groan so deeply and so wantonly, his eyes closing for a moment as he drove himself into her harder and deeper.

Gwen could feel herself starting to reach her climax. "Feels so good, Merlin. Yes! Like that!" He thrust faster whispering her name.

Watching him like this, hearing her name on his lips and feeling his cock so full inside of her sent her right over the edge. She came so hard, her orgasm lasting what seemed like an eternity, washing right over her and making her feel like nothing else in the world mattered, except this incredible feeling. Merlin came seconds after her, emptying himself inside of her, a sexy, deep sound falling from his mouth.

He collapsed on to her and then rolled to the side so they were facing each other, both panting and a little sweaty now. They smiled at each other, catching their breaths and taking in what had just happened between them.

"Oh my God!" she laughed.

"I know!"

"That was… more than hot," she shook her head disbelievingly.

"That was the most incredible experience I've ever had," he said with sincerity.

After a moment she saw his eyes flash gold and the blanket on the end of the bed came up to cover them. She giggled, "I can't believe you just used magic while you were still inside me."

"Here," he grinned pulling out of her. She moaned lightly at the feeling.

"I just made love to a sorcerer!" she exclaimed joyously.

"I just made love to the Queen of Camelot!"

They laughed together and then their lips met in a beautiful, soft, long kiss. They cuddled up close under the blanket so that they were tangled up in each other. Gwen couldn't believe what had just taken place. That was beyond her wildest dreams. She and Merlin had been intimate in a way she never could have imagined. She had never felt this wonderful.

This was the boy she had first seen from the castle window. He was in stocks when she first introduced herself, being pelted by rotten fruit. _"I'm Merlin. Although most people just call me idiot." _She looked to the man in her embrace. It was hard to believe it was the same boy. She realised she loved him in a small way even back then, but her love for him now went deeper than she could comprehend.

"You know," Merlin started, "I want to say something to you but somehow it doesn't feel enough… I love you."

"I love you too," she kissed him.

"Thank you, sexy," he laughed lapping at her mouth with his tongue. "Feelings are better expressed than spoken though," Merlin continued stroking her hair. "Like the way we just made love. That said how I felt about you more than the words 'I love you' ever could."

She nodded knowing exactly what he meant.

"Does that make sense?" he asked looking at her closely. "I feel _so _much more for you than those words."

There were no words that existed in any language to describe what Merlin meant to her. "I understand what you mean, Merlin. I feel the same, I_ completely_ understand you."

"Yes. You always do, Gwen." They smiled at each other in that knowing way that only they understood, wrapped up together, connected to each other in every way they could be.

After that, Gwen and Merlin were inseparable. Merlin had reached a part of Gwen that nobody ever had before. Arthur would always have her heart, but Merlin had her soul. She knew Arthur had felt exactly the same way.

xxxxx

Merlin looked over at his wife sleeping next to him in their bed. It was a year since the first time they made love. Every night, when he went to bed, he was blown away to have this beautiful, amazing women lying next to him. He cherished waking up next to her in the mornings. She didn't have telepathic powers like him, but often he felt like he and Gwen were talking in their minds. Just a look to each other could say so much.

Magic was now accepted in Camelot and Merlin had taken the role of Court Sorcerer. Although he was now married to Gwen, he would never be the King. Seers were already prophesising that Merlin and Gwen would have a son one day who would sit on the throne.

Both Merlin and Gwen still missed Arthur all the time. They spoke of him often. Occasionally, Merlin would wake from sleep, the image of Arthur's face still strong in his mind. He knew that Arthur would be smiling to see two people that he loved most, once servants, now ruling Camelot. Merlin grinned when he thought of Uther frowning and seething at the thought of the sorcerer and blacksmiths daughter in charge of _his_ Kingdom.

Merlin rolled to his side, and wrapped his arms around the woman he adored. Nobody told him this would be his future in the aftermath of Arthur's death. Neither the dragon, nor any of the oracles or anything he saw in the crystal cave hinted at the fact that he would be where he was right now, in love with Gwen and sharing his life with her. He felt an enormous sense of freedom to think that maybe his destiny wasn't completely predetermined after all. Maybe sometimes, the decisions we made were ours and ours alone. We owned them. We did have enough free will to guide our own destinies.

It filled him with a sense of satisfaction and relief. He and Gwen could do as they chose. They could be together in the way that they wanted and although destiny most certainly played a part in their futures, he was also looking forward to the choices they would make together and the direction _they_ would steer their lives in.

He placed a kiss upon Gwen's cheek and she opened her eyes and smiled at him. "You okay, my darling?"

"Yes," he responded nuzzling close to her. "Just needed a cuddle."

Gwen reached over and encircled Merlin in her arms. She placed a kiss on his head and with a beautiful smile she whispered, "Hold on as tight as you need to."

Merlin smiled at the familiar words. He gripped her as tightly as he could. He never wanted to let go.

**The End**


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